Stuff
Today I dried off with a hand towel.
Lately, and not so lately, I’ve been challenged by my material things. My growing pile of laundry screams, “be a better caretaker, or let us go!” My overabundance of trinkets shyly ask, “where do I belong?” My wallet whispers, “why don’t you treat me with intention?” The stone walls see it all and wonder, “what really matters to you?”
This is one way empaths get messages from the inner self; they are reflected in the stuff around us. We playfully personify inanimate objects, observe our lives from their points of view, and have serious discussions with ourselves! It helps us to get out of our own heads and see things more objectively. Why do I have more clothes than I need? Do I even like the ones I have? Is the meaning imbued into my trinkets appreciated when they’re scattered among clutter? Even when it’s all in order, every surface of every corner of every room contains as much of ME as it can hold. And I can’t use all that stuff! Wouldn’t life be so much simpler without all of it? These questions point to a misaligned relationship with material things. And it’s an old story. But why?
When I see a beautiful, small, artistically built living space online, I swoon. That’s what I want. It’s what I’ve always wanted. I’ve even had the opportunity to design, build, and live in some really cool small spaces in my life. But so far, the wave of stuff always shows up and crashes over my peace.
I’m attached to the stuff as a material expression of me, one that can’t be talked over or brushed off. My worthiness wound is buried in the center of that pile of laundry and unhung art. The tendrils of meaning I attach to each item is lost when I have too much to care for properly. And it’s all too much for me. So why not just get rid of it? To get rid of it would expose the intangible, vulnerable me. The me who wants everyone to be happy. The me who thinks everyone has something important to say but me. Am I ready to let people down who gifted me some of these things by letting them go? Am I ready to stand in my truth, and express myself with nothing physical to lean on? I have to. And if not now, when?
I want to stop thinking about it. And that’s exactly how I think it works. If I don’t think about where I got it, how much it costs, or anything other than if I use it regularly, I can pare down. I know I’ll feel so much lighter when I just let it go. (Cue Elsa) I will give myself grace in the process, calming the voices of reprimand, comparison and shame. I am exactly where I need to be. It’s time. So follow along if you want to witness this big letting go process with me!
Today I dried off with a hand towel. It was all I could reach from the shower, and as it turned out, it was all I needed.